She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
