After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
