On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I need moral support for this bender
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
