He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
