already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
