you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
