Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
