do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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