i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
