She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
