I wanna passion pit in your ass
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
