You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
