I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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