high people should be assigned attendants
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
