When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
