Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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