hotel room ftw
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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