Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
