My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My balls are so social today.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
