Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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