At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
