You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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