hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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