i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
