once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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