Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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