I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
