Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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