obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
