Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
