I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
