There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
