Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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