i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
