North Korea, Best Korea!
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
