I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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