i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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