i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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