so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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