I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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