i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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