Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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