you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
