I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
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but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
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GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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