that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he shaved USA in his pubs
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
