I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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