He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
