Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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