im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
