Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
its liver damage thursday
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize