i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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