I wish they made helmets for livers.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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