dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
