capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
