update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
