Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Damn victory sex feels great
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
