So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
