he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
