you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
sex in a hospital.. check
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
