i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
