i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
