it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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