i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
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I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We talked him into tasing himself.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
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He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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