The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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