he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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