im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
