You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
